Impolite Television.
Brought to you by the assault on your ears that is:
No matter what you do, when someone is watching that programme, you are annihilated by the sounds coming from your television.
It opens with DANDANDAN, DERNERDERNEEEEER, DANDANDAN, DERNERDERNEEEEER!!!
which continues all throughout someone shouting
"HERE ARE YOUR JUDGES!! SIMON!!! LOUIS!!! SHARON!!! AND THE GROUPS!!! ..."
then, they shout "FIRST UP, IS BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!" followed by a rubbish, badly directed, overly sentimental video in which aforementioned act tells you that "I was getting so desperate... I was almost at the point where *choking back tears, trying to keep voice flowing, failing desperately* I tried to end... *more pathetic sobbing, more tears...* my music career."
Your music career? Ten points for melodrama. Suicide is something that brings tears to your eyes. Not the I-almost-ended-my-music-career... i was never going to sing again. I wanted to go into exile as far as the music world was concerned."
And the parents... "My son/daughter was trying for years... I thought she'd never make it." Well, she is a bit shit, since we're being brutally honest.
After suffering this horrendous display of over-emotion and pathetic man-tears, we were then treated [if you can call it that...] to aforementioned Ben screaming Aerosmith's classic ballad "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" like he was involved in a domestic dispute. And the simpering Sharon Osbourne... "You look LOOOOOOOVELYYYYYY! You are sooooooooooo much better this week. GOOOOOORGEOUUUUUUUUUUUUS!!! ADOOOOOOOOOOOORAABLEE!" Wise up, woman. Please. Just tell them they're a crap singer, break them down, and let them leave the show. You insufferable sycophant.
I actually want to end my life, after sitting through one episode of X Factor. No word of a lie.
You know what the worst of all this is? When I decided that enough was enough, and muted the television... the subtitles started screaming at me. Really. I'm in so much pain.
Never mind the Chinese Water Torture.... You'd simply have to make me watch X Factor at full volume for two seconds, and I would crack like an open safe. It's horrible!
- Written whilst the world is muted, and my brain recovers from the immense torture that is a viewing of X Factor.
No matter what you do, when someone is watching that programme, you are annihilated by the sounds coming from your television.
It opens with DANDANDAN, DERNERDERNEEEEER, DANDANDAN, DERNERDERNEEEEER!!!
which continues all throughout someone shouting
"HERE ARE YOUR JUDGES!! SIMON!!! LOUIS!!! SHARON!!! AND THE GROUPS!!! ..."
then, they shout "FIRST UP, IS BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!" followed by a rubbish, badly directed, overly sentimental video in which aforementioned act tells you that "I was getting so desperate... I was almost at the point where *choking back tears, trying to keep voice flowing, failing desperately* I tried to end... *more pathetic sobbing, more tears...* my music career."
Your music career? Ten points for melodrama. Suicide is something that brings tears to your eyes. Not the I-almost-ended-my-music-career... i was never going to sing again. I wanted to go into exile as far as the music world was concerned."
And the parents... "My son/daughter was trying for years... I thought she'd never make it." Well, she is a bit shit, since we're being brutally honest.
After suffering this horrendous display of over-emotion and pathetic man-tears, we were then treated [if you can call it that...] to aforementioned Ben screaming Aerosmith's classic ballad "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" like he was involved in a domestic dispute. And the simpering Sharon Osbourne... "You look LOOOOOOOVELYYYYYY! You are sooooooooooo much better this week. GOOOOOORGEOUUUUUUUUUUUUS!!! ADOOOOOOOOOOOORAABLEE!" Wise up, woman. Please. Just tell them they're a crap singer, break them down, and let them leave the show. You insufferable sycophant.
I actually want to end my life, after sitting through one episode of X Factor. No word of a lie.
You know what the worst of all this is? When I decided that enough was enough, and muted the television... the subtitles started screaming at me. Really. I'm in so much pain.
Never mind the Chinese Water Torture.... You'd simply have to make me watch X Factor at full volume for two seconds, and I would crack like an open safe. It's horrible!
- Written whilst the world is muted, and my brain recovers from the immense torture that is a viewing of X Factor.
posted by SuperRoo at 20:34
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